June is the last month of my thirties; I turn the dreaded 4-0 in July, and I'm having mixed feelings about it. Some days I'm cool with it, other days I'm decidedly not. However, the first three books on my list have made me feel a bit better about entering middle age. They have nothing to do with aging, yet I found comfort in them.
What Happened to You? helped me understand myself better through both psychology and neuroscience, which helped me not be so hard on myself about, well, everything. I cannot recommend this book enough.
I Am Not Your Perfect Mexican Daughter really resonated with me, even though I'm a white almost-forty-year old and not a Mexican-American teenager. The main character, Julia, is angry, hurting, and depressed, all things I was as a teen (and a 20-something). The book made me so glad that I was not a teenager anymore, that I grew up, gained independence, and was able to heal a lot of trauma.
The Midnight Library made me look at my past regrets (which were remarkably fewer than I would have thought) and reminded me that there is still a lot of good a head of me.
So if you're facing down a milestone birthday, wading through a mid-life crisis, or just looking for some great reads, this is a list for you.
1. What Happened to You? By Bruce D. Perry, MD, PhD and Oprah Winfrey
I think everyone should read this book, particularly if you have children or work with children, or just want to understand yourself better It explains why you are the way you are and touches on so much--child development, trauma, racism. How the brain works.
Have you ever wondered "Why did I do that?" or "Why can't I just control my behavior?" Others may judge our reactions and think, "What's wrong with that person?" When questioning our emotions, it's easy to place the blame on ourselves; holding ourselves and those around us to an impossible standard. It's time we started asking a different question.
Through deeply personal conversations, Oprah Winfrey and renowned brain and trauma expert Dr. Bruce Perry offer a groundbreaking and profound shift from asking “What’s wrong with you?” to “What happened to you?”
Here, Winfrey shares stories from her own past, understanding through experience the vulnerability that comes from facing trauma and adversity at a young age. In conversation throughout the book, she and Dr. Perry focus on understanding people, behavior, and ourselves. It’s a subtle but profound shift in our approach to trauma, and it’s one that allows us to understand our pasts in order to clear a path to our future - opening the door to resilience and healing in a proven, powerful way.
2. I Am Not Your Perfect Mexican Daughter by Erika L. Sanchez
I have never read a better written teenager. Julia brought me right back to being a teen and just how miserable it could be. Also one of the best depictions of a depressed person I have ever read. I am thoroughly impressed by this book.
Perfect Mexican daughters do not go away to college. And they do not move out of their parents' house after high school graduation. Perfect Mexican daughters never abandon their family.
But Julia is not your perfect Mexican daughter. That was Olga's role.
Then a tragic accident on the busiest street in Chicago leaves Olga dead and Julia left behind to reassemble the shattered pieces of her family. And no one seems to acknowledge that Julia is broken, too. Instead, her mother seems to channel her grief into pointing out every possible way Julia has failed.
But it's not long before Julia discovers that Olga might not have been as perfect as everyone thought. With the help of her best friend, Lorena, and her first kiss, first love, first everything boyfriend Connor, Julia is determined to find out. Was Olga really what she seemed? Or was there more to her sister's story? And, either way, how can Julia even attempt to live up to a seemingly impossible ideal?
3. The Midnight Library by Matt Haig
This book definitely had its moment on bookgram. For a while, it was everywhere. I saw a lot of mixed reviews, everything from Loved it! to Overrated. The premise was interesting, so I gave it a try (after months and months on the library wait list), and I really enjoyed it. There is a book of regret that the main character must look through that made me think about my regrets in life. Oddly, the very first one that came to mind was never studying abroad in college. But after that, not as many as I would have thought because if I was to fix any one of those regrets, I wouldn't have meet my husband or adopted my dog, and they are the most important parts of my life.
Somewhere out beyond the edge of the universe there is a library that contains an infinite number of books, each one the story of another reality. One tells the story of your life as it is, along with another book for the other life you could have lived if you had made a different choice at any point in your life. While we all wonder how our lives might have been, what if you had the chance to go to the library and see for yourself? Would any of these other lives truly be better?
In The Midnight Library, Matt Haig's enchanting blockbuster novel, Nora Seed finds herself faced with this decision. Faced with the possibility of changing her life for a new one, following a different career, undoing old breakups, realizing her dreams of becoming a glaciologist; she must search within herself as she travels through the Midnight Library to decide what is truly fulfilling in life, and what makes it worth living in the first place.
4. The List of Things That Will Not Change By Rebecca Stead
My favorite Stead novel yet! Bea was done great, but I really loved the parents and other adults in this book. They were definitely human and flawed, but they were also good parents. Too often I read books (kids, young adult, adult) with crappy parents, but because the parents love their kids, all bad/toxic/abusive behavior is forgiven or excused. It sends a terrible message. There is room in love for arguments and mistakes, but never abuse. This book sends the right message.
After her parents' divorce, Bea's life became different in many ways. But she can always look back at the list she keeps in her green notebook to remember the things that will stay the same. The first and most important: Mom and Dad will always love Bea, and each other.
When Dad tells Bea that he and his boyfriend, Jesse, are getting married, Bea is thrilled. Bea loves Jesse, and when he and Dad get married, she'll finally (finally!) have what she's always wanted--a sister. Even though she's never met Jesse's daughter, Sonia, Bea is sure that they'll be "just like sisters anywhere."
As the wedding day approaches, Bea will learn that making a new family brings questions, surprises, and joy, and readers will discover why the New York Times called Rebecca Stead a "writer of great feeling."
5. Wolfsong by TJ Klune
Werewolves are so not my thing. Yet here I am loving a book about queer werewolves. I just love how Klune writes a character. They are always quirky and layered and relatable. And his stories are also an amazing mix of the ordinary and the bizarre that somehow just work.
Ox was 12 when his daddy taught him a very valuable lesson. He said that Ox wasn't worth anything and people would never understand him. Then he left.
Ox was 16 when he met the boy on the road, the boy who talked and talked and talked. Ox found out later the boy hadn't spoken in almost two years before that day, and that the boy belonged to a family who had moved into the house at the end of the lane.
Ox was 17 when he found out the boy's secret, and it painted the world around him in colors of red and orange and violet.
Ox was 23 when murder came to town and tore a hole in his head and heart. The boy chased after the monster with revenge in his blood red eyes, leaving Ox behind to pick up the pieces.
It's been three years since that fateful day and the boy is back. Except now he's a man, and Ox can no longer ignore the song that howls between them.
Bonus Book
Felix Ever After by Kacen Callender
Another great young adult book. Also another book that made me so damn glad that high school was (far) behind me. I think what I found most fascinating about this book was Felix's search for his identity and how it didn't end with being transgender. The gender spectrum is so wide but is so often narrowed to down to popular labels. This book explores what can lie beyond those labels.
Felix Love has never been in love—and, yes, he’s painfully aware of the irony. He desperately wants to know what it’s like and why it seems so easy for everyone but him to find someone. What’s worse is that, even though he is proud of his identity, Felix also secretly fears that he’s one marginalization too many—Black, queer, and transgender—to ever get his own happily-ever-after.
When an anonymous student begins sending him transphobic messages—after publicly posting Felix’s deadname alongside images of him before he transitioned—Felix comes up with a plan for revenge. What he didn’t count on: his catfish scenario landing him in a quasi–love triangle....
But as he navigates his complicated feelings, Felix begins a journey of questioning and self-discovery that helps redefine his most important relationship: how he feels about himself.
Felix Ever After is an honest and layered story about identity, falling in love, and recognizing the love you deserve.